A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in business."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

A minister gave a talk to the Lion's Club on sex.

When he got home he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.
During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem. George's mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial. The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00. George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do,"

The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price." "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance."

Dr Rastogi joined as professor in Medical College.  It was his first day at Medical College as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy". He gazed across the classroom, spotted a sparkling female student Supriti, and said, "Tell me Supriti, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original    size when excited?" Hearing this question, Supriti's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question". Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around  the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query. This time he located a male student Himanshu, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead. Himanshu answered: "pupil of a human eye". The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Supriti and said: "look, Supriti, I am sorry but, I must tell you that your Expectations are too high!!!!!!!(10 times..........huh......MY GOD!!)  

Q:- Y WAS DA MATHS BOOK SAD?

A:- BCOZ  IT HAD SO MANY "PROBLEMS."